This is a very vulnerable post but here we are.

I think I have a problem. I’m a shopaholic. Maybe a selective one but a shopaholic nevertheless.

I buy books that I don’t read.

I noticed today that there’s a whole process to it that I hadn’t been aware of before.

So, I decide I want a book. First of all, I have to find it , new or second hand? I go on all the online shops I know of until I find the best deal. Once I do , I order it. Then it’s the delivery and the waiting time. However, something I noticed this time is that, there’s a specific kind of thrill in the whole process that peaks when I receive the book and once I have it in my hands, I almost immediately lose interest.

Now, that’s interesting cause, what (presumably) initiated the process of buying the book is how interesting it was and how much I wanted to read it. Again, presumably.

This is an old habit of mine, buying books that I don’t plan on reading straight away but rather, they sit on the shelves for a good while before I actually pick them up to read them. However, it appears that it has become a compulsion since I don’t think before I purchase but i go for it the second it crosses my mind.

Now, why would I do that? Why buy the book if I’m not ready to read it when I’m buying it but instead leave it among the other books I already purchased and haven’t read yet? If I were honest I’d say that, a staggering 90% of the books that I don’t start straight away after buying them, I never read. That’s a bit scary if you ask me…90%, like, wow!

For the longest time I used to think that I was being greedy or gluttonous when it comes to reading books and that’s why I was buying them. I mean, having lots of books makes you look sophisticated and intelligent but definitely not a hoarder, or is it?!

The fact that I seem to be losing my interest is what leads me to believe that other forces are at play. Is it possible that, the process of sourcing and receiving the books gives me the thrill that my life currently lacks? Is it possible that I deceive myself that I’ll be reading this book in the future by holding it on to it when I actually have trouble letting go? Could it be that I’m deluding myself into thinking that, just because I own the book that means I’m familiar with its content when I’m not?

So, ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make : I’ve thought about it long and hard and I won’t be buying any books until the end of the year. That feels scary to say out loud and at the same time it seems to be much needed in order to get some clarity on the subject.

Whoa!

Will keep you posted on how it goes!